in a funk

I am in one....a funk that is.

Michael is starting his senior year of high school this week. This is a hard concept to wrap my brain around. How can he be a senior? How can he be 17, rapidly heading to 18? How hard it is to let go! I told myself this summer, that in a year, he could soon be leaving this house and on his own. I have tried to give him more independence, even though he likely doesn't think so. For example: he had the opportunity to go with two of his friends and drive 3 hours away to an outdoor concert to see Coldplay in July. They took our minivan, and camped in a rest stop, so they didn't have to drive home late at night. I'm fairly sure that I wouldn't have been given that chance as a kid! He had a great time, and I am glad he got to do it. I know this year will be busy for him-challenging classes, a top runner for the cross country team, orchestra and now also the jazz choir for the first time, track in the spring.....he has a job, working at Albertsons, and somewhere in there he will need to get applications out to colleges. Some of my anxiety is how much I "bug" him about the upcoming due dates of college stuff. Yes, I know, I am not the one going to college, he is.....but hence some of my funk!

Kelsey is going to be a sophomore. She is also growing up too fast for me. Driver's ed was done this summer.....next spring I will have two licensed teen drivers! My struggle here is feeling so unable to help her with a developing running issue. Over the course of the year, she would get occasional episodes of "wheezing" during a run. Sometimes an inhaler would help, other times it would not. We could not put our finger on a particular trigger.....maybe warm days, maybe muggy days, maybe stress??? Her pediatrician was beginning to suspect that there may be something else going on. So, after our vacation in June I took her to an asthma and allergy doctor. He has a specialty in something called vocal cord dysfunction. Kelsey does not have classic symptoms for either EIB (exercise induced bronchitis/asthma) or VCD (vocal cord dysfunction.) She likely has components of both. The specialist put her on one more asthma med, and she is scheduled for a more diagnostic test for VCD in October. Even on the asthma meds, she is continuing to have problems with her breathing. Unfortunately the only treatment for VCD is seeing a speech therapist and learning new breathing techniques. Ummm, easier said than done. 1) super busy schedule with school/sports, and 2) to learn new breathing techniques and apply them while you are running a hill, or a race can not be an easy thing. The cross country season has started, and it is so frustrating for her. As her mom, and a fellow runner, it has been the hardest thing not knowing how to help. To watch your child in tears from frustration "kills" me.

I look back now, and wonder if I wasn't so involved in their activities would it hurt less to let go? I can't imagine doing it any other way.

The other funk is just from the same old stuff. I feel like a taxi, a maid, a gardener, a laundromat, etc. This is from ALL of the household members. Granted, I am lucky enough to work part time, so I don't mind doing a majority of the house stuff. But an occasional thank you or even acknowledgement is nice. Or if I ask someone to do something, don't ignore it for so long that I can't stand it and do it myself (or is that their plan all along?) Honestly, I am sure many people go through this. As I think back, did I thank my mom for the things she did in the house? Probably not. This must come along with the mom title.

The fall is arriving. And as much as I appreciate the change in the seasons, I dread the upcoming flu season. Flu season is always chaotic for our office. Over the years we have learned how to manage the chaos to certain extent, which has been helpful. This year will bring along the extra challenge with the "swine" flu. So, now a new type of flu, more of a panic in society (thanks to the media!), and will the kids need two more shots??? Ughh.

Of course, I have a very aware daughter, who wants to know why I have been grumpier lately. How do you have bad days, but not let anyone see it? I don't want her to worry about me.

I tend to swing through phases like this, but this time it is just hanging on........hmmmm.......a funk........I don't like it.

p.s. If my children are reading, this and have made it to this point. I love you both, more than you may ever know!